Bad Girls (1994)

“We sold our bodies, why couldn’t we sell some wood?”

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Bad Girls passes the Bechdel test. Unfortunately, that’s the only test it is going to pass on this blog. For those who are unfamiliar with the Bechdel test, a movie can only pass if two or more named women talk about a topic other than a man.

In this case, a bunch of women – all ex-prostitutes – talk about the owning their own business around a campfire. And with that, bing, bing, bing – Bad Girls wins the Bechdel prize.

Everyone looks beautiful, gorgeous even in this film – Madeleine Stowe (Twelve Monkeys), Drew Barrymore (Music and Lyrics), Andie MacDowell (Groundhog Day) and Mary Stuart Masterson (Some Kind of Wonderful). They are all lovely to look at. Some parts of this movie are pretty too – lovely scenery, great horses.

But much like hanging out with a glitteringly attractive woman who has no charm whatsoever and nothing to say, this movie left me bored, dismayed and disappointed.

A schlocky script, poor direction, editing with conducted with a dull axe (I assume), all failed these good women. (Also this woman).

I love westerns so I’ve always been interested in seeing this movie. I wish I were able to say something more positive than this film was just a haytack-full of squandered potential.

Sigh.

Since I’m sworn to carry this blog’s burden (Skyrim, thank you Lydia), I should probably tell you a little about the plot. The women are all whores. Sorry for my language, but this word is used rather constantly throughout. It is their career path, their vocation. When Cody (Stowe) is forced to kill a man, a Colonel in his long johns, defending the life of her colleague Anita (Masterson), the aforesaid whores flee the brothel together, now fugitives from (frontier) justice.

Along the way, there are bank robberies, beatings, and general men-behaving-badly hijinks. We learn a little bit about the property ownership restrictions that faced women in the old West. I didn’t feel outrage though, because this movie didn’t make me feel anything at all.

Robert Loggia (Innocent Blood) plays a monstrous bad guy. Dermot Mulroney plays a nice guy who loves Cody – the shoot-em-up leader of the ladies.

Did I mention that all the leading ladies looked wonderful in movie directed by Jonathan Kaplan? Oh, right I did. Okay.

I mostly felt sorry for all of their effort. This looked like a tough shoot. Also all of horses were forced to run a whole lot in the movie.

If you can hear me Hollywood, I’d like another female-driven western, but *good* this time, okay? Please?

Until then, I’ll just hang out here at my homestead, a-waiting and a-hoping. Yipee-Ki-Yay.

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99 minutes

Rated R for western violence and the liberal use of the word ‘whore’