Grushenka’s 5 Essential Vampire Films

It is hard to pick just five. But for now, these are my favourite films about the “pointy, bitey ones” reviewed on this site.

The Horror of Dracula (1958)

There’s a pair of enlarged incisors behind that stiff upper lip. This Hammer Horror classic was the first time movie great Christopher Lee played Dracula. Lee’s portrayl was unique – British all the way through to his black, unbeating heart. This is a damned entertaining film. Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee are great, both looking every inch their respective parts. Christopher Lee was born to play a flashing-eyed villain and Cushing has the face of a driven, possessed crusader. Beautiful gothic settings, lovely women, bursts of action. Directed by Terence Fisher, Horror of Dracula is a movie that deserves our love just for the title credits’ font alone.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter (2001)

Take Jesus, add a Mexican wrestler named Santos (Jeff Moffet) a jumpsuit-wearing femme fatale Mary Magnum (Mary Moulton), and a whole whack of lesbian vampires — and you’ve got the recipe for some sacrilegious hilarity. Directed by Lee Demarbre and written by Ian Driscoll, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter was made for only $100,000. The infectious, almost giddy enthusiasm of this crazy-bad movie makes it an absolute delight. I will say that there’s really nothing more joyful and hilarious than watching Phil Caracas’s Jesus clothesline a couple of surly atheists in a sunny city park.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

From Dusk Till Dawn is two movies in one – stitched together with tar-black thread to make a wonderful monster of a film. Sort of like when Bart Simpson’s evil, formerly conjoined twin makes a pigeon-rat in the Treehouse of Horror VII. But this pigeon-rat can sing, dance and blow things up. Starring George Clooney, Harvey Keitel, Juliette Lewis, Salma Hayek and Quentin Tarantino, From Dusk Till Dawn is the gore-spattered love child of Robert Rodriguez’ direction and Quentin Tarantino’s screenplay.

John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998)

A Western vampire film – two great tastes that taste great together. That’s what John Carpenter’s Vampires is, a Western shootout with vampires. When I first saw this movie, it was a bit of a revelation. It certainly wasn’t like any vampire movie I’d seen before. First, there was the setting: dusty, sun-scorched desert country. Then there was our hero: Jack Crow (James Woods), a hard-bitten, tightly-wound vampire slayer in skin-tight jeans.

Underworld (2003)

This blue-black beauty of a film features one of my favourite opening sequences ever. Selene tells us her story atop a rain-slicked gothic cathedral in a long, black trench coat. Like a shimmering, gorgeous gargoyle, she looks down on a dismal Hungarian street. Pure magic. It is damned hard to be rational about this movie that I so love so I won’t try. Underworld and its sequels Evolution and Rise of the Lycans are similarly films I would wedge into my duffle bag for that desert island banishment or in preparation for the end of the world. I can hardly wait for more.