Ever After (1998)

Dearest Drew

I think we need to take some time . . . time to communicate better, and find a way back to a happier place again.

I know it sounds serious, and I’m not trying to be a fearmonger, but it’s high time I shared my concerns about this relationship. I should have said something long ago, but I didn’t for fear of the truth.

It actually hurts to write these words, but truth is what it comes down to. I care too much for you not to share how I feel, and what I think. I’ve seen you go through so much for so long, from E.T., through Cat’s Eye, and Firestarter. It’s difficult, but it’s due.

I’ve ignored what everyone said, I defended Donnie Darko. You were more than a player, you were a friend, a supporter, and a miracle worker. I even appreciated all the dumb fun to be had with both Charlie’s Angels flicks. We’ve had fun times, I know, and I haven’t forgotten what worked: Music and Lyrics, Whip It and, of course, Everybody’s Fine.

But lately I’ve felt such disappointment. 50 First Dates and Going the Distance, both of them had such potential . . . and now I feel much the same having seen Ever After. Rarely am I as tempted as here, to turn off the video unfinished.

This 16th Century retelling of the Cinderella tale packs a whole lot of great potential (the Brothers Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm, Leonardo Da Vinci and the Mona Lisa, a merry band of outlaws, and even more), but ideas alone are no guarantee of results.

Overall, it never gelled. It was listless and unconvincing, perhaps with good intentions, but feeling made-for-TV, like a neither fun nor funny movie of the week. Sure it had some good ideas, story, and elements, but its dialogue, casting, and performances laid it low.

When the closing narration put its on-the-nose twist on the traditional “and they lived happily ever after”, I wanted to shout at the television set: “So they lived! Well, I wish I could have too, but I was too busy wasting my time resisting the urge to shut this nonsense off!”

It’s just . . . when our time together is more work than fun, I have to question my reasons for staying.

Listen, I’m not blaming you. It’s not you. It’s me.

Well, no, it’s not me either. Please, I don’t want to get into it.

We’re both great people. I’m just not sure we’re so great together anymore.

The past is past. Now we have an opportunity to move on and find a way to heal. I respect you too much to insult your intelligence, saying we should stay good friends. We need some time to discover again what we were looking for in the first place.

And I hope that you will find it. I’d be so happy for you.

With my warmest best wishes for always. Always and Ever After.  (Get it?)

P.S.  If you could return the Valentine’s gift before this weekend, I can still get my ten dollars back from the store.

* *

Rated PG

100 minutes