Suck (2009)

“Stop crying. I am trying to eat.”

* * * *

It was the scene with a convenience store clerk, a Slushie machine packed with red ice and a roadie named Hugo wielding a hack saw that pushed it right over the edge for me.

In fairness though, that wasn’t the only reason I love Suck. Amongst my reasons:

• Vegan musician Moby dressed like a Judas Priest cover band frontman covered in blood! (And his character name was Beef!)
• Canadian New Wave empress Carole Pope (Rough Trade) as a surly bouncer!
• Dave Foley (The Wrong Guy) as an incompetent, alcoholic band manager who speaks fluent Japanese!

This movie rapidly went from a satisfactory three-star …to a stand-out, ‘I-loved-it’ four star film in short order.

There’s also Iggy Pop as a shotgun-wielding wise man dispensing bon mots such as “Always use a condom and never trust a goddam vampire.”

Iggy about sums things up. There is much to recommend this film about rock and roll, the pursuit of fame and blood-sucking vampires shot in Toronto.

There’s Malcolm McDowell (Easy A) sporting an eye-patch playing a neurotic, haunted Eddie Van Helsing who wanders around gripping a flashlight because he’s afraid of the dark.

Oh, and the Spoons’ “Old Emotions” playing over the epilogue!

Oh, oh and adorable stop-motion animation over amusing maps to stitch the road-movie action together!

I really, really loved this movie. In fact, I’m waving the Blu-ray at everyone I come in contact with, inviting them to watch it with me. This is causing confusion because the movie is, after all,  titled, “Suck.”

Delightful misunderstandings all.

Writer, director, and star Rob Stefaniuk made something quirky and wonderful here with this story of the Winners, an ironically named band that’s planted firmly at the junction of mediocrity and obscurity, and on the bloody razor’s edge of breaking up.

Not until Jessica Paré (Stardom) meets creepy Dimitri Coats (Queeny) does the band begin to generate a following, you know, for the very same reasons Reinfield followed Dracula. Thrall reasons.

I don’t want to spoil it. I really don’t. It is so, so great.

I will only ask: Will you watch Suck with me?

* * * *

91 minutes

Rated 14A